WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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