I want to make a zoo with you.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
