...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
