I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
