I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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