i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
