In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
