Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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