someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
