Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
