Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
