this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
