You really coming over, don't trick.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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