his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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