Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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