She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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