this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
