i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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