brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
