dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
