If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize