My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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