We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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