im about as happy as oj after his trial
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
