we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
