You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
