i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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