and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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