Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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