Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
