so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
