There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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