Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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