member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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