We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
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