You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
