it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize