life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
