after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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