the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
