it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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