Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
