I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize