You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
