I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We talked him into tasing himself.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
