the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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