so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
