i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
