I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
