The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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