How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
