You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
