dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
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