Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
