Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
