no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
