I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
