return my video game
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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