i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
