It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize