Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
