Barsexuality is the new black.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
