I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
