dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
