I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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