I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize