like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
