Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
you had me at cake vodka
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
