I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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