I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
vagina is talking i cant
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
