I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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