My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
