i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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