I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
