im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
