Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
