who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
