Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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