Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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