went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
