Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
