my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
