I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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