I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
