Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
At least life still wants to fuck me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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