I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Holy shit dude........stairs
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
