I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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