i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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