by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
