Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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