3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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