I just saw a hot homeless man
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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