Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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