I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
