Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
