I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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