My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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